Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
