I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
