Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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