i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
