Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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