i permit you to call me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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