im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
