I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
