he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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