About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
