Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
