life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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