i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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