you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
