I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize