I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
