just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
