belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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