Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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