We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i've created a new STD.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
