Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
