My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
