It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I want is dick and wine.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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