Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
