Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
