that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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