I'm lost and stupid without you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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