You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize