$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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