just come out here and I will go home with you...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
