When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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