dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
