Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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