I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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