Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
