In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
