k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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