Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
