I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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