I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
