That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
