I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
