He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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