Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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