would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize