If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
