I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
