Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
