I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize