i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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