I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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