Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
