I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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