im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
