There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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