Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
