I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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