Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
