Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
