Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
