No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I understand Curling. That high.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
