Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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