I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
