u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
