I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
