so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
