...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Blood and glitter go together right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
