This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
