wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
