Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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