Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
