he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
