Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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