I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
