I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
