considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Couch. On fire.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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