Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
