I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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