And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
