Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
