so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He did a backflip because drugs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
