i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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