Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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