do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
