My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
