I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
